BREAKING: Has The Purpler been caught?

This Tuesday, the infamous Purpler was caught at a North Shmooblesworld Dye Factory. The authorities were alerted to his presence shortly after a worker on their night shift heard him escaping from the premises. After meeting with the worker, he told us “My shift was just about to end, and quite frankly I wasn’t having it”.
 He was found with several liters of Red and Blue dye, however seeing as there was no purple dye his motives are unknown. He was apprehended within a few miles of the facility, probably because he was carrying over 30 pounds of Red and Blue dye and his little legs couldn’t handle it.

We contacted the authorities on the situation and asked what they had planned for The Purpler, they told us “After his previous shenanigans, they’ve made plans for him down in the SCT. After the government officials get involved–we don’t really know what goes on”.

While there is unfortunately no conclusive answer as to the prosecution and containment of The Purpler, it’s safe to assume he will no longer be a threat to the People of Shmooblesworld.

Violent Robbery at Captain Blackbeard’s Knick Knack Shack

 Just yesterday, an unfortunate unidentified Shmooble made the mistake of attempting to rob Captain Blackbeard’s Knick Knack Shack.

An eyewitness account states that shortly after the suspect entered Captain Blackbeard’s Establishment, a quick burst of musket fire could be heard from the property followed by shrapnel descending upon nearby pedestrians. Assumedly, none of the Musket Balls hit the suspect. Whether or not he was hit then did not matter however, because onlookers soon heard booming cannon fire as Captain Blackbeard proceeded to blow several holes in his business.

The suspect has yet to be identified as there is little left of them to gather information on. We asked Captain Blackbeard to comment, after a few minutes of incoherent mumbling he said “I’m sick of those darn rapscallions trouncing into my Shack an takin’ me for some scallywag. Back in my day they’d’ve been lucky not to be tied upside down and pummeled like a pinata.”

Global Shortage on wax continues?

 After 7 years of a Global Wax Crisis it appears that the Crisis is still ongoing. Many have asked when this wax shortage will end. Despite this there is still one company that is producing wax products. Big Birthday Corp. has a stranglehold on global wax production, and primarily uses it for candles. Their assumed wax usage this year was 2.5 Million Cubic Meters of wax.

 Making over 25 thousand candles a week Big Birthday corp. Produces the most high quality birthday candles, readily available at your local Shmoob market today!

This weeks newsletter was brought to you by The Shmooblesworld Newspaper Club™

Authors: Supierb & CarouselCakes

Editors: mfof

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